


Long Way Down

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, M/M, Out of Character, Past Leonard McCoy/James T. Kirk - Freeform, past Nyota Uhura/Spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 13:04:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5249255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the prompt for a fic based on One Direction's Long Way Down. Takes elements from The Original Series, but is set in the Alternate (Reboot) Reality.</p><p>Edit: this is an experimental fic. I can't imagine any of them cheating, not in a million worlds, and so this was quite a challenge to write. Characters are, well, out of character.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Long Way Down

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt for a fic based on One Direction's Long Way Down. Takes elements from The Original Series, but is set in the Alternate (Reboot) Reality.
> 
> Edit: this is an experimental fic. I can't imagine any of them cheating, not in a million worlds, and so this was quite a challenge to write. Characters are, well, out of character.

It starts when Jim begins missing dinners.

It’s not a big deal, at first. Like Bones, Jim has a bad habit of getting so caught up in his work he forgets about everything else. Except it continues, week after week, and when Bones talks to Jim about it he’s brushed off with an excuse about extra paperwork.

Even that isn’t too notable, but Jim won’t look him in the eye.

Bones settles for sending a reminder to Jim’s PADD for their shared dinners.

Nearly two months after he started missing dinners, Jim doesn’t come back to their shared room one night. Deep in his bones, McCoy knows.

He just doesn’t want to believe it.

-

Jim’s hand drifts toward Spock’s, laughing at something the Vulcan said. His shoulder bumps against Spock and a wide, happy smile spreads across his face, his whole body leaning toward him.

McCoy blinks and instead of Jim and Spock he’s seeing Jocelyn and Clay barely a week before he caught them sleeping together.

Jim looks back over his shoulder and sees McCoy. His smile dims a little, and he looks away.

McCoy leaves and pretends he didn’t see anything.

-

It’s like some cruel twist of fate that he finds them in the same position he found Jocelyn and Clay - joined together with the most blissful of expressions, and yet again McCoy knows he wasn’t enough.

In the short instant McCoy sees them, Spock leans forward and wraps his fingers around Jim’s hand, murmuring t’hy’la as he moves. McCoy feels sick. He ends up at the door of Jim and his shared quarters with only a fuzzy memory of making his way there. He’s lifting his hand to enter the keycode when he realizes that Jim’s possessions - his favourite non-issue blanket, his dog-eared classics, his worn sweater - they’re all in there like they still belong with McCoy, and not with Spock. McCoy backs away from the door and flees to his office down in the sickbay, turning on the privacy mode with a desperate flick of his fingers. Chapel watches him hide with a concerned look, but by the time she thinks to move it’s too late. The doors are locked.

McCoy sits down heavily in his chair and cries.

There’s a deep, gaping hole of pain and anger, betrayal - despair, in his chest, suffocating and black. He should have known. He should have. Jim - Jim. He promised. Jim promised to never be like Jocelyn, promised that this shot they took, this attempt at love? He promised it would endure beyond the stars, literally.

McCoy lifts his knees and tucks it against his chest to relieve the pressure, feeling like a naive child. He knew, from the moment Spock and Jim reconciled their differences, that Spock was the better match for Jim. He’s smarter, stronger, more understanding - all refined edges, whereas McCoy is ragged and torn. Jim doesn’t deserve all of McCoy’s baggage on top of his own. He deserves better. He deserves Spock.

McCoy wants to be angry at Spock. He wants to go back into that room and pull them apart, wants to make Spock pay, but he’s so very tired. Spock would win. Spock had already won.

McCoy picks up his PADD with a shaking hand and brings up the resignation forms, struck by the sudden need to get away. He’d gotten plenty of offers over the years, many still open, for advanced positions within Starfleet. With his credentials and experience, he could go anywhere. There was no reason to stay on as a Chief Medical Officer of an exploration ship anymore, no without Jim. Jim was the whole reason he braved space, and in the end, the reason he’ll leave it. McCoy enters the data and hits send. He’d depart within two weeks, when the Enterprise rendezvoused with the USS Saxon.

He’d be gone, and soon enough, forgotten.

-

Jim strides over to him, fists clenched over his PADD. McCoy doesn’t need to see it to know what it was.

“What is this? You’re leaving?! Why?!” Jim demands, shoving the PADD under McCoy’s nose. The doctor fights the urge to step back.

“You know perfectly well.” He snaps back. In the background Spock turns to face them.

“No, I don’t.” Jim says irritably, but his eyes widen fractionally. McCoy sees it instantly.

“I saw you, last night.” McCoy says, suddenly feeling old and tired. His shoulders slump. “You and Spock.”

Jim’s mouth parts with an ‘O,’ and he moves back, one hand running anxiously through his hair. “I….”

Spock steps into place besides Jim, stance protective and yet his eyes somewhat sad. McCoy studies him for a moment, takes in the strength in his shoulder and the tender touch of his hand to Jim’s wrist, and sighs.

“You can have him, Spock.” He says, turning back to the turbolift. “You were always better for him, anyways.” Spock remains silent, but Jim reaches out, hand against McCoy’s shoulder.

“Bones, wait - ” He says, and it’s pleading.

“Don’t call me that.” McCoy snaps, wrenching away from Jim’s grip. “It’s over between us, you’ve made that very clear. I’m transferring to the USS Saxon. It’ll be better for all of us.”

He leaves Jim on the bridge looking lost and returns to his office. Chapel lays a hand on his shoulder, and this time he simply slumps into himself.

“Uhura called me. I’m sorry, Len.” She says, pure and honest.

“I’ve gone through this before, Christine.” He says. “I was foolish to think I could avoid it again.”

Chapel’s lips press together like she wants to disagree, but instead she squeezes his shoulder and steps back, giving him room.

“If you need anything, you know where I am.” She says instead, and McCoy nods.

-

The USS Saxon is cold, and sterile, and completely devoid of Jim. McCoy tells himself it’s better this way.

-

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.79

 

 

> Bones, I know things ended badly between us, but give me a call, alright?

 

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.81

 

 

> Bones, you can’t hide forever. Come on. Call me. We can fix this.

COMM.

FROM: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

TO: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

STARDATE SENT: 2266.81

 

 

> I’m not hiding, Kirk. I’ve simply removed myself from a shitty situation.

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.81

 

 

> Did you just call me Kirk?
> 
> That’s the very _definition_ of hiding.
> 
> Look, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Spock and me...it was a heat of the moment thing. I’m sorry.

COMM.

FROM: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

TO: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

STARDATE SENT: 2266.82

 

 

> Sorry you did it, or sorry you got caught? Don’t lie to me, Jim. You were missing nights for months, missing dinners even longer. I saw you and Spock get...closer, but I didn’t want to believe it. That was a mistake. It was a mistake believing in you, Jim. You promised me you’d never be like Jocelyn, and yet, here we are.

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.82

 

 

> I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. Bones, please, come back. I miss you.

COMM.

FROM: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

TO: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

STARDATE SENT: 2266.82

 

 

> You don’t have a right to miss me, Jim. Stop calling me Bones.
> 
> Don’t contact me again.

 

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.83

 

 

> Calling you something other than Bones feels wrong.
> 
> This isn’t just about us, though. M’Benga and Chapel, they’re good, but the USS Enterprise needs you as its CMO. You’re the best doctor the fleet has. Come back. The USS Saxon is boring, and doesn’t need you as much as the Enterprise.

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.85

 

 

> You can’t seriously be ignoring me.

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.86

 

 

> Come on, this is ridiculous.

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.90

 

 

> We have to sort this out, we can fix this if you’d just stop being an ass and talked to me.

COMM.

FROM: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.105

 

 

> I found the ring.

-

STARDATE: 2266.115

[ TOTAL: 50 unread messages ]

[ 46 unread messages from: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK ]

[ 1 unread messages from: LIEUTENANT NYOTA UHURA ]

[ 3 unread message from: NURSE CHRISTINE CHAPEL ]

 

CURRENTLY OPEN:

COMM.

FROM: LIEUTENANT NYOTA UHURA

TO: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

STARDATE SENT: 2266.116

 

 

> Hi Len,
> 
> I’m going to be at Ryker’s Bar, Mathas, on Jur’al 9 at the next resupply (stardate: 2266.123). If you want to share a few drinks and reminisce over old times, I’ll open a tab.

-

McCoy stares at the open message, mouth parted in surprise. He’d been so wrapped up in his own anger and pain that he’d forgotten. Uhura had been betrayed, too.

-

COMM.

FROM: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

TO: LIEUTENANT NYOTA UHURA

STARDATE: 2266.117

 

 

> I’ll be there.

-

STARDATE: 2266.123

JUR’AL 9

Ryker’s Bar is dirty, and ugly, and a dive, but it’s a quiet, _secluded_ dive. McCoy finds Uhura at one of the tables in the corner, watching the various patrons.

“Enjoying the view?” He asks, sitting down heavily next to her. She shoots him a quick smile and turns back to observing a humanoid alien at the bar. The alien’s colourful skin is almost shimmering, reflective of a dragonfly’s wings.

“Trading planets like this always bring in the most diverse of species.” Uhura says, hand curling around her drink. “The languages you see and hear - Romulan, Standard, Verian, Klingon, Vulcan….” She waves at one of the waiters.

“Hyrias Sunshine is your best bet. Closest to what you’d normally enjoy, and as a bonus, it probably won’t kill you.” She tells him as the waiter approaches. McCoy snorts.

The waiter, who is another species McCoy doesn’t recognise, asks him for his order in broken Standard. McCoy takes Uhura’s recommendation, and within minutes he’s holding a frothing, red liquid. He stares at it suspiciously, but Uhura takes an easy swig of hers and so he braves a taste.

It burns down his throat, sweet and sharp at the same time, yet somehow reminding him of whiskey. He whistles appreciatively.

“That’s actually some good alcohol.” He says, and Uhura smiles.

“I figured we need it.” She says, and McCoy’s levity drops.

“I guess Spock left you, too.” He says, pulling his drink closer.

“I left him.” She corrects, fingers thrumming against the side of her glass.

McCoy’s shoulders slump as he considers the mess they were in. “All the signs were there, the same there were with Jocelyn. The late nights, the missed calls...”

 

“...the frequent physical contact. Spock never touches anyone so freely, not unless they’re his partner.” She takes a drink. “Hell, not even me.”

“I’m sorry, Nyota.” McCoy says honestly, and she nods.

“Me too.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence, each nursing their drinks.

“Jim wants me to come back to the Enterprise.” McCoy blurts out eventually. Uhura’s hand stills.

“He expects you to go back? After what they did?”

“Yes.” A pause. “He found the ring.”

“The ring? Oh. You were going to propose.”

“Finally worked up the courage to even consider it, and then I catch him fucking Spock in the goddamn ready room.”

Uhura splutters. “You never told me where you found them. The ready room? Really?”

“Really.” McCoy glowers into his drinks.

“Why? It’s not exactly comfortable in there, or spacious.”

McCoy stares incredulously at her, surprised that the question of why their ex-boyfriend’s chose the ready room to cheat in was the main thing on her mind.

“Privacy, probably. Although it looks like Jim forgot to engage the security locks to block the medical override, and Spock was obviously too...distracted to remind him.”

“Why were you at the ready room?” Uhura asks, leaning forward.

“I was going to ask Jim to dinner, so we could talk about the distance that’d been growing between us. Heard sounds and thought Jim was hurt. Of course, that leads to me using my medical override.”

“Oh, Len.”

“Yeah, well, I felt like a right idiot afterwards.”

Uhura gives him an understanding smile.

“So how’d you find out?”

“Spock makes mistakes sometimes, in the mindmeld. Sometimes you see things he didn’t intend for you to see.”

McCoy feels a pang at the open, hurt expression on her face, knows it’s a mirror to his own. “I’m sorry.”

“I suppose there’s nothing for us to apologize for. The question is: what do we do now?”

McCoy sighs. “Well, you already know I left. I can’t maintain the level of professionalism necessary to interact with Jim day after day without saying something I’ll regret, and, well, Spock....I don’t know what I’d do around Spock.”

“Punch him in the face?” Uhura suggests with a wry smile.

“I’d probably break my hand.” McCoy says honestly, and Uhura laughs.

“That’s true.”

McCoy scans the bar, noting the thinning crowd, and turns back to Uhura with the question that had been bothering him since he left the Enterprise. “Why do you stay?”

Uhura is quiet for a time, studying the grain in the old stained table. Finally, she looks up. “The Enterprise is the best posting for me to get practical field experience, and, well, I love the adventure. The exploration. I couldn’t bear the thought of a single broken relationship driving me from the job I love.”

McCoy nods, takes a drink. “You’re stronger than I am.” He murmurs.

Uhura gives him a tight smile and shakes her head. “Maybe just more stubborn. There’s no shame in doing what’s best for you, Leonard. It’s good you’re thinking of yourself for once, instead of putting everyone else first at your own expense.”

McCoy gives a noncommittal hum and drains the last of the Hyrias Sunshine as his PADD beeps.

“I better get back to the Saxon. It’s leaving in an hour.” McCoy says, pushing his chair back. Uhura stands with him with a sad smile.

“Keep in touch, Leonard.” She tells him.

“I will. Maybe we can do this again sometime.”

She nods, giving him a parting hug, and then he leaves, his step a little lighter.

-

The wedding ring arrives tucked in the corner of McCoy’s next shipment, alongside a parcel from Joanna and the antique stethoscope he’d been sent from an old colleague.

There’s a simple note.

 

 

> I’m sorry.

McCoy puts the box somewhere he won’t see it, and sits on his bed heavily, considering his answer.

COMM.

FROM: DOCTOR LEONARD MCCOY

TO: CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

STARDATE SENT: 2266.158

 

 

> We had a long way to fall, didn’t we?

Even after pressing send, McCoy wonders what he’s trying to say.

 

-

STARDATE: 2266.230

EARTH/SOL 3

McCoy knows as soon as he steps onto the ground that he’s here to stay. For the first time in years he feels steady on his feet, solid, _grounded_.

He considers living in San Francisco, but there are too many places that remind him of Jim. He ends up moving back to Georgia, finding work in a small medical centre in a tiny town where people are less likely to recognize him from the Narada and Khan Incidents. He conducts medical research and consults on the side, and on clear nights he steps outside to gaze up at the stars.

He wonders where in the vast patchwork of the night sky the Enterprise is. He pictures his crew, he pictures Jim, and knows that despite his absence Jim is happy. Jim is where he’s supposed to be, with Spock at his side, roaming the stars.

-

STARDATE 2268.57

EARTH

McCoy almost drops his mug when the knock on the door comes. The only visits he gets are from Joanna and the neighbour, or, every so often, someone needing urgent medical aid. He swings the door open, only to see Jim standing there with a sheepish smile.

“Hi.”

McCoy closes the door with a vicious swing and locks it.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you in nearly two years! Come on, I just want to talk!” Jim yells through the door.

“Well I don’t.” McCoy yells back. There’s silence for a moment.

“I can understand that. What I did...shit, it was bad. I cheated on you. It was wrong, and cruel, and unfair. I don’t have an excuse. I’ve tried making them, but...there are no excuses. You have every right to be angry, even now.”

McCoy stays quiet, but moves to the door again.

“I...I know I can’t make it up to you. I can’t make this better. But I came back because I needed to tell you. I know...I know you, Bo- Leonard, and I know that the entire time I’ve been a selfish ass you’ve been blaming yourself, thinking you’re not good enough.”

There’s a sigh, and McCoy can almost see him running his hand through his hair as he struggles to find words.

“I didn’t cheat on you because you were any less, or because Spock was any better. It was just me being a dick, thinking I could have it all. The mind, the heart, and the soul of the Enterprise if you will. And you’re the heart, Leonard. Always was. Without you the Enterprise is almost lifeless.”

A pause.

“You can’t ask me to forgive you, Jim.” McCoy says, sitting against the door. “I can’t go back.”

“I know. I know.” Jim replies miserably. “I’m sorry. I-”

A sob tears out of Jim, and McCoy feels him slide down to the floor to match McCoy’s position, separated by the locked door. McCoy sits there and fights his own tears as Jim cries.

“I miss you.” Jim manages to get out. “It’s not fair of me to say it, but it’s true. I miss you.”

“Jim, don’t.” McCoy whispers. “Please, don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Jim says again, and McCoy finds that he gains no vindictive pleasure in hearing Jim’s remorse, just heartache.

The sobs subside eventually, and then it’s quiet.

“You were going to propose. Before, I mean.”

“Yes.” McCoy replies simply, staring blankly at the opposite wall, studying the grain in the antique wood.

“Huh.”

“A long way down from there, wasn’t it?” McCoy says, feeling tired right down to his bones. He wants this to be over.

“Yeah.” Jim’s voice is raw and quiet. “A long way to fall.”

Silence falls again, and McCoy sighs, letting his head drop back against the door. “You’ve said your apologies, Jim. Your conscience should be clear now.”

Jim says nothing.

“I can’t say I’ve moved on.” McCoy tells him. Dust motes float by his noise, and he tracks their path. “But we are never going to be more than uneasy acquaintances again, Jim. We can’t go back to what we had before, either friendship or a romantic relationship. There’s too much trust broken. Besides, I’m fairly certain that you are still with Spock, at least from what Uhura’s told me.”

He shifts his leg, easing a cramp, and sighs. “I hope you’ve apologised to Uhura, too, Jim. You hurt her just as much as me. Spock...I know Spock tried to make amends with her.”

“Do you hate him?” Jim asks suddenly.

McCoy sighs. “No. Not now. I don’t have the energy for it anymore. You’re as culpable as each other - if I was to hate Spock, I’d have to hate you too, and even now I can’t do that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” McCoy says, and he hates how much of his words feel like an apology.

 

-

Jim drives away in a ridiculous antique of a car, and Bones never sees him again.

 


End file.
